What Should the 49ers Prioritize at Quarterback in 2021?

Quarterback Jimmy Garappolo leads the 49ers through the rain in Washington. (Alexander Jones, CC)

The 49ers sit at the bottom of the NFC West, worn down by an endless stream of health misfortune that seems to slow to a trickle, getting your hopes up before overflowing yet again. 

To say the season is totally over feels dramatic, especially given all of the subpar football the Faithful consumed at the onset of the Shanahan-Lynch regime. Yet it’s become undeniably clear that the title-hungry 49ers, embarrassed in the final minutes of Super Bowl, will end this season feeling empty.

Despite $85 million worth of injuries, the Niners dominated the Patriots, Jets and Rams, showing glimpses of a team worthy of more. Quality players and locker-room leaders like Arik Armstead, George Kittle, Robbie Gould, Deebo Samuel and Fred Warner will all return for a chance to contend again. Kyle Shanahan remains the architect of an ever-evolving system that can maximize the strengths of a prepared and accurate quarterback.

Few situations are as ideal for a quarterback that believes he can take a team over the top. The 49ers demonstrated their belief in Jimmy Garappolo to be the guy with a contract worth $137M after the 2017 season. They stuck with him after an ACL tear in 2018 and were rewarded with last year’s 27 touchdown/13 interception performance. Following a Super Bowl where Garappolo played well enough to win through three quarters before wilting in the fourth, the organization made it clear who they were riding with. Hall-Of-Famer Tom Brady’s offseason interest in the 49ers was not reciprocated and he settled in the NFC. But after a season that leaves the Faithful yearning to wash out their mouths, what should John Lynch and Kyle Shanahan do at the franchise’s most important position?

Jimmy G vs. A New QB

Whenever Jimmy Garappolo gets the chance to review his 2020 season in full, he will not be pleased with what he sees. The raw numbers themselves are unimpressive: 94 completions in 140 attempts (67%) for seven touchdowns and five interceptions. He was sacked 11 times and fumbled twice.  He never threw for over 300 yards and in victories over the Rams (268 yds) and Patriots (277 yds) his average pass only went 3.3 yards beyond the line of scrimmage. 

But a lot of what’s worrying fans that believe Garappolo is “the guy” are intangibles you can’t find on Football Reference. His mechanics suffered after separate sprains of his right ankle in weeks two and eight, resulting in interceptions where the intended receiver was either unclear or had no shot to catch the ball. His aforementioned best games came when the 49ers dominated on the ground and he did not have  the come-from-behind magic that fueled last year’s heights. His history of leg injuries is no longer an isolated incident and his ability to move within and out of the pocket in the future is unknown. For a myriad of reasons, many that have nothing to do directly with Garoppolo, the 49ers offense did not find its rhythm under his control in 2020. 

While that may seem like a purely negative assessment, there is something to be said for consistency and stability. Garappolo is a respected figure in the locker room and a team captain whose work ethic teammates gush glowingly about. He hosts offseason workouts with a young wide receiver group and has yet to be able to have Brandon Aiyuk and Deebo Samuel on the field for a meaningful amount of time. He accepted failure on the greatest stage with accountability and a level head. This season, with all of the Covid-19 complications and lack of normalcy, may be largely unique anyways. If the 49ers are to replace Garappolo, they must consider the impact that will have both on the field and off. While Jimmy hasn’t been what fans envisioned when he signed his deal, the men that play beside him have never wavered in their faith. 

Drafting a QB

Bleacher Report’s Matt Miller reported recently that top 49ers scout Adam Peters has attended BYU and Alabama games this season to evaluate Zach Wilson and Mac Jones.

While it’s worth noting that drafting either of these prospects wouldn’t immediately warrant replacing Garappolo, it would be a pretty clear statement about his lack of job security. A young quarterback would have to do a lot quickly to garner the respect of a veteran-laden roster. This is where Shanahan would have to truly shine, making sure his young signal-caller’s preparation and talent can compensate for his inexperience.

I could see the team drafting either of these quarterbacks to back Jimmy up at least initially, but trading up to get a potential day one starter seems unlikely. A quarterback who can’t hit the ground running (or maybe hit the ground throwing?) doesn’t match up with this team’s championship window.

Trade Targets

Quarterbacks that can push your team over the top immediately don’t often come by trade. The 49ers were only able to acquire Garappolo in the first place because he was largely an unknown commodity. Perhaps John Lynch can finesse teams that may want to move on from the contracts of Alex Smith, Matthew Stafford and Matt Ryan. The 49ers have 8 picks in next year’s draft. All of these quarterbacks will be unrestricted free agents in 2023.

Free Agents

Dak Prescott and his injured ankle will be a free agent at season’s end and if his rehab goes according to plan he should still command a pretty penny on the open market. I don’t see the 49ers getting involved but that is the caliber of player San Francisco desires under center. 

Last-hurrah veterans Phillip Rivers, Cam Newton and Ryan Fitzpatrick will be available. Fitzpatrick’s recent play has suggested he might be worth a look, especially if the 49ers draft Wilson or Jones. 

Other options include Tyrod Taylor, Mitchell Trubisky, Jameis Winston, Jacoby Brissett and Nathan Peterman. I believe Brissett and Winston have the most upside from that group, though neither has shown much that looks better than Garappolo.

Both Nick Mullens and CJ Beathard will be free agents at season’s end, Beathard unrestricted.

As a player, the 49ers QB in 2021 should…

get the job done on third down:

Matt Ryan’s 2016 All-Pro season remains the standard by which all Kyle Shanahan-coached quarterbacks are judged by. These teams run first and emphasize time of possession. A quarterback that can convert third and manageables through the air allows the run plays to have their greatest impact. 

In 2016, Ryan was nothing short of spectacular on third down. He completed 89 of 125 attempts (71%) for 58 first downs, seven touchdowns and zero interceptions. Though he took 16 sacks for a hundred yards, Ryan didn’t turn the ball over once on third down.

Garappolo’s 2019 was also fruitful on third down. He completed 90 of 130 attempts (69%) for 65 first downs, seven touchdowns and three picks. He was sacked 13 times for 79 yards. Though he turned it over more than Ryan, Garoppolo’s third down passes were more likely to be first downs. The signature plays of Garappolo’s season came on third and long, beautiful looping bombs that snatched victory from the jaws of defeat against divisional foes. He threw touchdowns in traffic to Kittle, rushed through Aaron Donald on the goal line and feathered out-route dimes to Emmanuel Sanders, all on third down. 

In 2020, third down has exemplified San Francisco’s offensive woes. Garappolo is just 23 of 40 for 17 first downs, four touchdowns, four interceptions and four sacks for 31 yards. His 57% completion percentage is a stark drop-off from first and second down (72%, 70%). Both Ryan’s 2016 campaign and Garappolo’s 2019 featured no such drop-off between downs. 

Mullens hasn’t been great either, completing 21 of 32 attempts (65%) for 13 first downs, three touchdowns and two excruciating interceptions. 

Whoever the signal caller is in 2021, they have to be able to move the chains and keep opposing defenses from dedicating themselves solely to stopping the run. 

be more mobile: 

Going forward, Jimmy G’s legs may be worth just as much monitoring as his arm. Two different high ankle sprains on the same ankle is nothing to sneeze at. At times, Garappolo looks tentative and to be avoiding putting force on his trailing ankle and planting knee. The best case scenario is obviously that he returns at full strength after an offseason that doesn’t require surgery. But even if that’s the case, Garappolo has expressed a need to play with his knee brace and is no sure thing health-wise. It’s not like in 2019 Jimmy was Lamar Jackson, but he was able to scramble and pick up seven yards when necessary.

He even ran for a first down three times this season but perhaps the 49ers would be better served with a quarterback the defense must keep tabs on all the time. At the very least, next year’s quarterback must be able to move within the pocket and keep plays alive when the first option isn’t there. The next quarterback for the Niners doesn’t have to be a speedster but he’s got to be able to move better than this version of gimpy Garappolo. 

As a leader, the 49ers QB in 2021 should…

be a team captain: 

Given his fellow players unanimous support after the Super Bowl, replacing Garappolo would assuredly shake up the locker room. Whoever replaces him would have to also command team-wide respect and uphold the organization’s attention to detail. This is why I can’t see the 49ers drafting a quarterback. The championship window is open and the time is now.

be in the playbook more than anybody else: 

This is the number one thing teammates say about Jimmy G. Other than the chirps at his good looks and cool demeanor, the players Jimmy takes the field with continuously praise his commitment to preparation and improvement. This clearly lines up with the culture and expectations the 49ers have for players at every position. If the quarterback doesn’t live in the playbook, how is he supposed to command an offense that allegedly grows every week? How is he supposed to demand his wide receivers know all the nuances of their routes? 

It would clearly be a massive shift in the 49ers universe to replace Jimmy Garappolo, whom the Faithful, players and coaches have all placed their title aspirations within. If a change at quarterback occurs, it must be because the 49ers believe Garappolo’s physical tools limit his decision making. It has to be because he cannot move enough for the play to develop or his mechanics never return to more consistent accuracy. That he isn’t making the throws available from the defense because he doesn’t trust himself to be able to. If that’s the case, then other options must be explored. Personally, a swap for Matt Ryan would be my number one target.

But if Garappolo’s health returns and he’s surrounded by a similar treasure chest of talent come next fall, I don’t see any of the readily available options being an appreciable improvement. Brissett’s ceiling projects just as limited if not more and Winston wouldn’t command the respect of the locker room sight unseen. Stafford and Ryan are superior passers but just as costly and nearing retirement. 

If the Niners can finally squash the injury bug after two years of bad luck, Jimmy G deserves the chance to show whether his arm, legs and third-down effectiveness are up to the task of taking the Niners over the top.

Isaiah Thomas’ Documentary Series “Book of Isaiah” Scores From All Angles

We have more access than ever before.

Seemingly everyone who’s not in elementary school has a smartphone, within it the ability to focus outwardly and view words, photos, videos and even streams of the lives of other people.

More of our lives is exchanged every day, every minute, every second. Everything can be shared.

In sports, this means the fan can now look beyond the game. Access is at the fingertips of the fans and the gatekeeping is in the players’ hands.

In “Book of Isaiah,” Boston Celtics All-Star Isaiah Thomas and filmmaker TJ Regan serve up unprecedented access to the biggest offseason of IT’s career. The documentary series captures the Boston Celtics’ 5’9″ point guard a year from free agency. The NBA’s salary cap is at its highest in league history in large part due to its media deal (9 years for $24 billion with ESPN & Turner), a monstrosity that shows the monetary value of capturing the world’s greatest ballers.

“Book of Isaiah” is access to both the mind and the body, and the constant search for improvement in both that athletes long for. Regan’s artistry is in capturing and piecing together the images, sounds and feelings that unveil Isaiah’s all-encompassing appetite for development.

We hear Thomas verbalize the pain of losing in the playoffs as we see him firing up jumpers in preparation for opening night. A scene of a workout, with beads of sweat, grimaces and grunts lays on a soundtrack of Nipsey Hussle, IT’s favorite rapper. For just a minute, as we see him push his body to its limits, we find where his mind is at as well.

“Knowing that this game to be played
But I’m knowin’ that this game to be changed
I should be afraid of afraid
I’m just tryna live up to the meanin’ of my name,” Nipsey spits.

The most direct example of the offseason grind is footage of Thomas’ track workout, an exhausting ordeal that pushes him to his physical end and inspires commentary throughout. His mentee, Central Washington guard Dom Williams, gives his own special insight: vomiting after a series of sled pushes, weighted sprints, and agility exercises.

This is full access to a career in which your value is constantly assessed, improvement is critical, and there are no defined business hours.

Layered inside the framework of “grind time” are the out-of-practice-gym scenes that add texture to Thomas’ story.

There’s Thomas breathing basketball back into Seattle through his Memorial Day Zeke-End tournament, attempting to explain the concept of pregnancy to his four-year-old son Jaiden and giving backpacks and wisdom to Boston youth.

He chops it up with legendary boxer Floyd Mayweather, childhood idol Allen Iverson and buries Seahawks wide receiver Tyler Lockett in a shooting contest at a Seattle team meeting.

Watching Thomas process his meeting with Iverson is, in my opinion, the best footage of the series.

Thomas, a man once picked dead last in the NBA draft, is inspiring throughout. The script flips for a couple of minutes when he gets some time with Iverson, the greatest “lil killer” to ever do it and one of his inspirations. Isaiah prepares nervously to ask “The Answer” for an autograph, smiles the entire time he’s in Iverson’s presence, and giddily Instagrams his signed jersey in the hotel room afterwards.

Still glowing in the meeting’s aftermath, he rattles off AI’s career stats and says “I got to be Allen Iverson, bro.” As he paces and shadowboxes in the mirror, he exclaims “I’ve got to get better. It’s not cool, I gotta get better. I gotta get better cuz!”

Fans desire that look behind the curtain, that private peek, that transgression of transparency more than ever. This is it. And this is rare.

Sports media is increasingly divisive and uncomfortable. Players and coaches are painted as good guys or bad guys and #EmbraceTheDebate is the tagline of one of ESPN’s biggest shows. Some analysts exist as professional criticizers, vultures who linger above failed athletes, waiting to feast on any sort of failure they can find. Guys like LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Tiger Woods and Carmelo Anthony are picked apart when their deeds can be conveniently skewered or praised relentlessly on another day when the tide of the angry sports fan turns.

On social media, an athlete’s Twitter mentions or Instagram comments can be filled with crude comments about their significant others, random expressions of hate based on team, performance or nationality and also praise from around the world.

The brightness of the spotlight is not always flattering, and most athletes aren’t really incentivized to give fans the access we consistently try to grab. The push and pull of privacy and public must be regularly balanced.

That’s what makes “Book of Isaiah” so cool. This is fearless access to the work, the sweat, the hustle. It’s as complete and multi-faceted as you’ll find anywhere on any athlete. It doesn’t seek one narrative of Thomas or lend itself to thoughtless clickbait “let’s argue!” coverage. You won’t see any polls about “Book of Isaiah” or hear a radio host taking “hot-take” calls on this.

Much like Thomas, this series goes up against the taller titans of sports media and through variety, skill and unabashed effort, succeeds.

In a climate that gives fans just a couple sentences here, a page and a half there, a cover here, a series of pictures there, this is the “Book of Isaiah.”

Let no page go unturned.

 

—

 

Oh and that work… it’s paying off: Thomas is averaging 28.2 points per game and 6.2 assists per game. Iverson, as a reverential Thomas noted, averaged 28 for his career. He leads the entire league in 4th quarter scoring and has a knack for coming through in the final seconds to deliver the win. He also leads the Eastern conference in points per game. Thomas is in serious contention for a starting spot in New Orleans’ NBA All-Star game in February.

Look at these ridiculous shots.

Invincibility, Rick Ross’ “Hood Billionaire,” and America’s Need For the Kingpin Narrative

What if I told you invincibility is not a feeling, but a purchase? That feeling of being on top, of being bad and getting away with it, of life without limits, of power, it’s a $13.99 iTunes click away. Too rich for your blood? Spotify has this instant invincibility, just set up an account. It’s free.

Rick Ross’ “Hood Billionaire,” an album dedicated to living a life none of us will ever live, is 16 tracks of pure, grade-A drug dealer narrative. Over a booming production, Ross regales us with tales of “Coke Like the 80’s,” “rich bitches,” and tapped phones.

We get a verbal tour of Evander Holyfield’s former Florida residence, learn what it’s like to deal cocaine in the Florida Keys, and feel the power of being the “Neighborhood Drug Dealer.”

When you listen to Ross, it’s easy to nod your head along to the monk-chant choruses and heavy bass, grunt your caveman approval, and move on.

But to do that is to miss the true genius of Rick Ross, and the reason why a rapper with little legitimacy or truth to his tales can continue to produce content we all eat up to the tune of millions.

Photo via @ComplexMusic, All Rights Reserved To Complex Music

Though they won’t be greenlit by Disney anytime soon, Ross ‘s rhymes are just fairy tales, no different in some ways than Snow White and her seven dwarfs or Alice in Wonderland.

The music is not the product, but merely the form of expression and communication upon which Ross pushes his narcotic narrative. The product here is image.

Rick Ross has painted his own identity, through high snares, through a chain of his face wearing a chain of his face, and through an ability to never stray from his made-up mentality, into a narrative of true freedom.

Society pushes us to be fit, clean, and conscious of each other. Ross is comically overweight, rarely wears a shirt in a music video, and has a Wingstop sponsorship. He shows off baguette sized blunts to Rolling Stone Magazine, has tattoos of presidents Lincoln and Washington placed juuuuust above his areolas, and named one of his cars “Katy Perry.”

He doesn’t care, and he doesn’t have to. It’s all a part of the Rick Ross brand of freedom. A level of life unreachable in reality, but attainable in some form through the purchase of Ross’s music. We cannot live that life, but hear what it sounds like.

His freedom shines through in its clearest form in Ross’s self-made persona, an infallible and desired character: The drug dealer that never gets caught.

He’s a modern day superhero, fighting back against the modern day crimes of urban poverty and corporate super villains, only in Ross’ world he has the secret weapon: He never loses.

In American pop culture, we love this. The life of a drug dealer, of a life intertwined in organized crime, interests even the straight-laced viewer, as evidenced by the large scale successes of “Goodfellas,” “The Godfather,” and of course, “Scarface.”

But this is where the medium of film limits the “above the law” narrative. Film is essentially a reflection or imitation of life, and therefore is held in check by reality.

Henry Hill and “Jimmy the Gent” have to get caught by the FBI, because that’s what happened in real life. Vito and Sonny Corleone have to die at the opposite ends of the spectrum (Vito, in a yard with his family around, and Sunny in a blaze of gunfire) because that, or something in between, really happened to crime families in this country. Tony Montana can’t make it, because even Pablo Escobar was gunned down eventually.

But Ross? He makes music, which is not limited by precedent, reality, or the karmic laws of life that always seem to be present in all of our daily experiences.

Plenty of us have seen a bad crime movie and thought, “that would never happen.” But none of us hear The Boss crow lovingly about “nickel rock” and think the same thing.

Even though the real Rick Ross, somebody whose real life story borders on the ledge of legendary, who actually moved several million dollars of cocaine through the west coast & went to jail for 20 years, is somewhat we should be paying attention to; we continue to be enamored with the fake life of the fake Rick Ross, specifically because it’s so unrealistic.

The news has been flush with stories of those living below the law, and the bursting tension that comes as a result, both in the flaming windows of riots and in the peaceful protests of frustrated Americans.

In times like these, it’s rough to look around and feel like you’re on top of the world. This is why we listen to Ross. Instant gratification is the norm these days, and with music it’s no different.

Press play, listen to the powerful score rising under the heavy tones of Rick Ross, and for a moment, just pause.

That moment of relaxation and excitement, that screeching halt in the negativity of life, negativity constantly reinforced every time a television is turned on or Twitter is refreshed, and the realization that it’s now absent, that’s invincibility.

That right there, is Rick Ross.

Yom Kippur On A Mountain

Let’s start this with a bit of honesty.

I really don’t like going to temple.

Temple, especially when the high holy days roll around, presents too many distractions for me to feel like I’m having a meaningful experience. I find myself trying to remember the names of all of my mom’s friends in the National Council of Jewish Women (who remember me as a well-behaved baby), fiddling with the length of my tie, and dodging the scattered sneezes and sniffles of a Jewish community fighting the beginning of autumn.

I can’t focus.

An Expert’s Guide To Buying A Jersey

I have a lot of jerseys.

“Too many jerseys,” some might say.

“Not enough,” is what I often reply.

Buying and wearing a jersey is a blend of appreciation, fanfare, and trust. It’s a big decision. But fear not sports fans, it is I, Ben Wong, expert of the athletic thread, here to guide you on your journey to uniform greatness.

(Little) Man Down

I awoke from my birthday slumber, eager to attack a day I claimed for my own some 19 years ago.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and tried to force some sort of moisture into my dry morning mouth, visions of glorious birthday plans dancing through the sunrise grogginess (Okay, okay, it was like 10 am). I rolled over and flipped on my phone, as I always do first thing in the morning, and checked Twitter.

And there it was, as plain as can be, staring back at my (suddenly changing) giddy face.

Palamo and Stanfill Return Home For Rivalry Match

Photo by Craig Boyd. https://flic.kr/p/apFMgw

American rugby fans will tune in Saturday to Bonney Field in Sacramento, California for the final match in the 2014 Pacific Nations Cup between the United States and Canada.

Donovan Out Means U.S. Thinks They’re Legit

Landon Donovan Will Not Be A Member of the United States Men’s National Team for the 2014 FIFA World Cup

It would have been the easy move.

Just throw Landon Donovan on the roster, regardless of how he matched up to the players occupying the other 22 spots on the United States Men’s National Team roster, and save yourself from the scathing waves of criticism.

Just do it.

It’d be simple, painless, and almost thoughtless.

Instead, he’s gone.

Since he burst onto the scene in the early 2000’s, scoring goals for the San Jose Earthquakes with what was then a full head of hair and a star quality not seen before in an American player, Landon Donovan was American soccer.

He scored the most famous goal in American soccer’s history that didn’t involve a sports bra, causing me, a marginal football fan at best, to run screaming up the street chanting “USA! USA! USA!” 

He played (and continues to play) in Major League Soccer, a lower-level league that for a while was not worthy of his talents, at least in part because it was America’s league. 

Landon Donovan, to an appreciable degree, is responsible for the growth of soccer in America. ESPN’s brilliant docu-series on the USMNT, Inside: U.S. Soccer’s March To Brazil, noted that soccer has been “the game of the future” for the United States since their debut in the 1950 World Cup, some 64 years ago. Obviously, soccer’s popularity didn’t make the jump some had predicted.

But when we look at soccer today in America, it’s the 4th most watched sport behind the big three: football, baseball, and basketball. Over three million kids are members of US Youth soccer, and the 2009 census said that soccer is the third most participated in sport in America.

Just the fact that a documentary series on the national team’s buildup to the World Cup on “the worldwide leader in sports” exists tells you something about the popularity of the world’s game here.

Some of that credit has to go to a man who commentator Ray Hudson recently referred to as “the best footballer of all time in the United States.”

Yesterday, by leaving off America’s greatest star who undoubtedly has earned his stripes, Jurgen Klinsmann told the world he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about any of that.

He doesn’t care that Donovan is America’s most recognizable player, that Donovan has scored 57 international goals (the most of any American and 19 more goals than the second place finisher, 2014 World Cup captain Clint Dempsey), or that Donovan has more World Cup goals (5) than Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, and Wayne Rooney combined (3).

Klinsmann doesn’t care that cutting Donovan basically set the internet ablaze, garnering violent reactions from fans and commentators alike.

Klinsmann, while understanding the magnitude of the move, was pretty cutthroat. 

“I have to make the decisions what is good today for this group going into Brazil,” Klinsmann said. “And there I just think that the other guys right now are a little bit ahead of him.”

Where’s the emotion in that?

There really isn’t any.

You see America, Jurgen Klinsmann must think his gang of red, white and blue footballers can really do something in this World Cup. Something big.

Otherwise, why remove Donovan? There would be none of these distractions, bad press, and the fans would remain firmly united.

Instead he made a move that breeds divide, controversy, and discussion.

Of course Klinsmann thinks his team can go far, but a move so drastic really shows the public juuuuust how much he thinks of his squad. 

Klinsmann has put himself and his team on trial for the duration of their run. A group stage exit with Donovan would have been disappointing, but somewhat understandable given the formidable foes in Group G (Ghana, Portugal, Germany).

But a first round exit combined with the disposal of American soccer’s favorite son might just be enough to push Klinsmann out the door and hurt the popularity soccer searches so desperately to capture in America. 

This move is purely personnel. Klinsmann, the former star striker for West Germany, regardless of any opposite opinion, popularity, legacy, or job status, believes in the talents of 23 men more than the talents of Landon Donovan.

In fact, I’m not sure their’s a move Klinsmann could have made that would show more confidence in America’s unproven talents, players like 18-year-old Julian Green, 23-year-old Aron Johannson and MLS star Chris Wondowloski.

Jurgen Klinsmann clearly has success above all else on his mind.

If his team embodies that mindset, they are certainly capable of an unprecedented run down in Brazil, giving Klinsmann the legitimacy his current coaching career lacks. 

But should he fail, he’ll have a whole lot more in his lap than any other coach of the USMNT has had before.

I think that’s just the way he wants it.

 

Sidenote: Perhaps Klinsmann is saving us from watching one the most painful things in sports, the aging superstar. While Landon Donovan was no international immortal, he is adored nationally. Watching a slower, declining Donovan was a possibility, and now is something off of our consciences. 

Nobody looks up Willie Mays’s Mets highlights, or watches Ichiro with any great interest nowadays. We don’t like to watch the end.

But we’ll always have that Donovan goal against Algeria, and the sprinting celebration culminating in a corner dog pile that sent bars and restaurants all across the nation into jubilant disarray. 

Thank you Landon Donovan, for that and so much more. 

The First Annual Vivekies!

Welcome to the first annual Vivekies! The only award show that rewards the greatest, most entertaining, and somehow still existing professional basketball franchise on God’s green earth, the capitol city’s own Saaaaaaaaacccccramentoooooooo Kings!

I’m your host, Ben Wong, and tonight we’ll be handing out some of the most prestigious awards in all of professional basketball.

This is not the Maloofies, a similar award banquet held in past years to commemorate Kings players, often held at the Palms Casino, where guests were charged for bread and water that only 50% of the tables received.

No! There will be no more Maloofies (Raucous applause)!

This night, of course would not be possible without the hard work and dedication of our show’s namesake, Vivek Ranadive, and the man who Vivek once claimed would be the first “inter-galactic mayor of Mars,” Kevin Johnson.

Thank you gentleman. And now, without further adieu, the 2013-2014 Vivekies.

The Player You Didn’t Know At All And Now Love: Ray McCallum!

@RayMac3

Let’s have a look at how two NBA point guards are finishing their 2014 seasons.

Player A: 8 points, 2 assists/6 points, 3 assists/14 points, 2 assists

Player B: 23 points, 8 assists/8 points, 8 assists/11 points, 6 assists

Player A is the opening night starter at point guard for your Sacramento Kings, Mr. (do you even remember?) Greivis Vasquez.

Player B is the opening night FOURTH STRING POINT GUARD for your Sacramento Kings, a player who was not even active on opening night, Mr. Ray McCallum.

They say it’s not about how you start, it’s how you finish.

The Detroit Mercy product’s start was pretty damn quiet. He began the season stacked behind Vasquez, then 6^th man Isaiah Thomas, and some guy named Jimmer. He racked up the DNP’s and even was sent down to go tear up the D-League for a little bit.

And then the dominoes started to fall. Greivis, traded. Isaiah ascended to a starting role, and Jimmer was dumped after this awkward “we’re cutting you but have a happy birthday” photo.

awk

Suddenly McCallum was getting all of the bench minutes at point guard, and even some clutch minutes at shooting guard over lottery pick Ben McLemore.

After some initial growing pains, McCallum blossomed.

A late season injury to IT has allowed Kings fans to fall in love with the 2^nd round pick, and made GM Pete D’Allesandro look like a genius for drafting RayMac and signing him to a three year deal.

Ray has been freed. And it will be fun to watch number three spread his wings in years to come.

Signature Video Clip via Ben McLemore’s Instagram: http://instagram.com/p/lOgIEmQHLC/ (Ben and Ray do the “NaeNae” in Toronto)

The Player Most Likely To Leave Your Throat Hoarse From Yelling “No No No No No No YES!?” At Your Poor Television Every Night: TRAVIS OUTLAW!

http://ballislife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/tumblr_mtznoscbkb1qz5huso1_1280-620×350.jpg

Previous winners of the equivalent Maloofie include Eddie House (2004-2005), Donte Green (2009-2010), John Salmons (2012)

Travis Marquez Outlaw, who was once somehow the recipient of a five year/$35 million contract with the then New Jersey Nets, was in true NONONONOYES form this season.

Watching Travis Outlaw play basketball is an exercise in self-control. You need every nerve in your body not to unleash guttural screams to the heavens when he takes three turnaround jumpers in a row against a double team, and yet the sensation that hits your brain when he somehow makes the third one is almost too much to handle.

It’s like blowing an hair dryer right into your face.

Travis Outlaw also has the one of the worst trends going for him in all of basketball. When @SippiCountryBoi scored over 10 points this season, the Kings went… wait for it… 1-10. Yikes.

Oh Travis…

Signature Video Clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yp-f83j1mrI (Mareese Speights abuses Travis Outlaw)

BIGGEST BOSS: Demarcus Cousins

@boogiecousins

Just look at these stat lines:

10/30/13 (Opening Night) vs Denver: 30 pts, 14 rbs, 2 stl, 2 blk

11/19/13 vs Phoenix: 27 pts, 12 rbs, 4 stl, 2 blk

11/23/13 vs LAC: 23 pts, 19 rbs, 7 ast, 1 stl

12/09/13 vs Dallas: 32 pts, 19 rbs, 3 ast, 3 stl, 1 blk

1/07/14 vs Portland: 35 pts, 13 rbs, 2 ast, 2 stl, 1 blk

3/09/13 vs Brooklyn: 28 pts, 20 rbs, 3 ast, 2 stl, 2 blk

3/26/14 vs New York: 32 pts, 15 pts, 8 ast, 1 stl, 1 blk

3/31/14 vs New Orleans: 35 pts, 14 rbs, 3 ast, 1 stl, 2 blk

4/13/13 vs Minnesota: 35 pts, 15 rbs, 6 asts, 1 stl, 3 blk

Also, there’s this:

@SacramentoKings

Our beloved Boogie Cuz surpassed Chris Webber for most double-doubles in a Sacramento Kings season, dropped the best All-Star Youtube video since Chris Bosh’s used car salesman bit, became an unofficial member of OVO Clique, and fooled all of us with a tantalizing April Fool’s Joke.

He sure as hell got me.

Many wrote about him, none of us fully understand him, and plenty hate him. I am fully on the BoogWagon, seated next to Bill Simmons and Jalen Rose, and I believe in Demarcus Cousins.

Demarcus Cousins is a 100% Unadulterated, Cage-Free, Authentic, Gluten-Free, Rick-Ross-grunt-before-you-say-it…. BOSS.

Signature Video Clip: Any of the links above.

Best Missed Dunks: Ben McLemore

@youngsav23

Though he made the dunk shown above, and damn it was sick, Ben McLemore led the league this year in crazy missed dunks.

Ben’s high flying misses go flying towards the heavens, banging off the rim with an audible “blang,” sometimes finding their way into the paying customers.

With Ben, it’s all about patience. He’s about as green as they come, and it’ll be a little bit before the dunks start falling, along with the mid-range jumpers and corner threes.

In the meantime, just watch him fly.

Signature Video Clip: http://instagram.com/p/eT0CLMwHFp/ (Ben scares his mom by putting a snake in her Taco Bell)

Also, this:

#DunkCam

 Most Ridiculous Play of the Year: Isaiah Thomas

Play starts at 1:18 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR0jl3ClgM0

I still don’t understand how this happened. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s stupid and stupendous, funny and fantastic, and boggles the mind more than a Neal Degrasse Tyson lecture.

First, our intrepid hero puts Steph Curry on skates, (ankle breaking joke deleted in respect to Curry’s injury history).

IT crosses SC so ruthlessly that Curry actually crashes into Isaiah, having lost all control of his limbs. Thomas has turned one of the league’s brightest stars into a sharpshooter with no legs.

Or as South Africans call it, “Oscar Pistorius.”

Thomas falls flat on his chest, loses the ball, and then somehow gathers the rock and gets to his feet. Curry meanwhile, lays on the floor with a power-drill and some bits and begins reassembling himself from the knees down.

Then, with about two seconds left on the clock, he does the unthinkable! He hoists! Klay Thompson and Steph Curry converge but it’s too late. Isaiah gets off the prayer. On one foot. Off-balance.

AND BANKS THAT BAD BOY HOME WITH A SECOND TO SPARE! FOR THE LEAD!

HUSTLE ON YOUNG HUSKY HUSTLE ON!

HE MADE THIS.

Somehow, someway, Isaiah Thomas turned this: neck contorted, legs tangled, ball lost, hip buried in the ground, into a GO AHEAD LATE FOURTH QUARTER TRIPLE.

Pay the man.

Worst Play of the Year: Derrick (Not-so-Thrill) Williams

Dammit D-Will

I used to do this all the time… when I was seven… on a Nerf hoop… barefoot… in my bedroom.

You know, like not in an NBA game as a paid athlete who’s main skill is converting dunks like these on television in front of thousands of people…

(closes eyes and shakes head eternally)

Best Viral Video: Quincy Acy

God bless you Q-Ace. Parenting is not dead in this country.

World’s Greatest Parent

After Cowbell Kingdom’s Jonathan Santiago Vined this gem, it found its way to Sportnation, BleacherReport, DLHQ, and of course, Twitter.

I’ll let Quincy himself give the appropriate reaction to this.

Previous winners of the equivalent Maloofie include:

Chris Webber (1999): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BY7Bjxonjw

Chris Webber (2002): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHhv_3bBgfE

Peja Stojakovic (2005): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EjMXXCVylg

Tyreke Evans (2010): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0xJM1Z7kos

And that’s it for this year! Thanks everyone for coming out. Thanks to Pizza Guys, Zoom Imaging, and the Roseville Automall for being our only sponsors.

Stay tuned for the Vivekies postgame show, hosted by the one, the only, Newton Carruthers (Crowd boos loudly).

Goodnight!

Give Me Dawson Or Give Me Death

Dawson with fellow specialist Andy Lee

Let me make this clear. I want Anquan Boldin back. I really want Donte Whitner back.

But I NEED Phil Dawson back.

There’s no doubt that Boldin and Whitner were huge parts of the 49ers success last season, but Dawson was crucial to San Francisco reaching the heights they reached.

Losing Whitner will impact the locker room the most. Losing Anquan Boldin will impact Kaepernick’s success the most.

If the 49ers don’t retain Phil Dawson, it’s the win column that will take the hit.

Performance

Phil Dawson was one of the best field goal kickers in the National Football League last season. Dawson was a ridiculous 32-36 in the regular season, booting balls through the uprights in an array of conditions.

He canned 21 yard chip shots in rainy Seattle, extra points in London, 52 yard bombs in windy Candlestick, and everything in between.

“Money Phil” also had a perfect playoffs, not missing a field goal or extra point during the postseason.

He hit game winners at home against Seattle in week 14, in Arizona to clinch the 5 seed, and in 8 degree weather at the notoriously tough Lambeau field to send the Niners to the divisional round.

He made a franchise record 27 field goals in a row and finished the season with the second most field goals (32) and points (140) in team history.

Phil Dawson was at the top of his game last season and deserves to come back and kick football’s for the San Francisco 49ers.

Value

Only 5 kickers in the entire NFL turned in better percentages (makes/total attempts) with as many/more attempts than Phil Dawson last season.

Keep in mind that one of Dawson’s “misses” was a 71 yard free kick attempt against the St. Louis Rams.

He is absolutely a top 5 kicker, and not a replaceable commodity by any means. This is a big part of why the 49ers need to retain him. There are not kickers available with the skill and consistency of Dawson.

Dawson’s FG percentage has only dipped below 80% 3 times in his entire career, the latest coming in 2006. And he’s kicked in Cleveland’s FirstEnergy Stadium and Candlestick Park, not quite ideal kicking conditions.

Impact

Boldin and Whitner can both change a game in ways that Dawson can’t. Nothing “Money Phil” ever kicks will change the momentum of a game like Whitner’s stone cold demolishing of Pierre Thomas in the 2011 NFC Divisional round. No matter how many field goals Dawson kicks, he’ll never be able to take over a game like Boldin did in week 1 like against Green Bay.

That said, Dawson has a bigger impact.

The Niners are a team that struggles to find the end zone. Since 2007, they rank 27th in TD percentage inside the red zone. They lead the league in field goal attempts inside the red zone as well. While this isn’t something the Niners should strive to continue, kicking field goals remains a huge part of their offense.

Having a good kicker means these red zone failures at least end in three points. How many times have we seen the Niners drive down the field on the first drive, only to settle for three (It happened in each of the three playoff games)?

Phil Dawson turns those failures into points with remarkable reliability.

And that’s why he’s a valuable asset that should be retained immediately.